Thursday, 02 July 2009

• Quiet Anxiety

  I have a tendency to be more quiet in real life and blog land when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed by my own life and REALLY overwhelmed by the fact that I feel God is calling me to even more. I have never been a person that is content with the norm, but sometimes it all doesn't even appear doable. Nine, or 12 or 18 children would be one thing if everyone woke up with smiles and asked, "What can I do to help, Mother?" However, that isn't the day to day reality. The reality is that we are a family of sinners that each selfishly fight for what benefits himself the most; some of the sinners can fight pretty loud sometimes. I have never enjoyed conflict and often go to great measures to meet everyone's needs (or wants) so that I don't hear the often heard, "well, if we didn't have so many kids...." lecture. I thankfully don't spend anytime wondering if we are doing God's will, because I am 100% confident that we are doing what he called us to; it just isn't always pretty or easy.

  I am evaluating my homeschooling fall schedule, which is contributing to my quiet anxiety. My older two are doing dual enrollment high school and college online, but I still have five to teach with toddlers and babies to work around. I am also analyzing some "special needs" behaviors that I feel need to be be professionally evaluated and treated. This is on top of the two children that I already have in therapy! I am also going to babysit a precious newborn baby girl that attends our church beginning in August. I realize that is crazy, but it's the door that the Lord clearly opened to answer my prayer of how can we pay off our adoption loan faster. So, all in all, it's difficult to see how I am going to pull it all off. Since Debra has a real job and is moving out to resume her own life, I need another sister that wants to take this year. The problem is that Debs is the only sister I have. This is when my husband lovingly reminds me that I need to take it one day at a time. So, my today is another swim meet after being stormed out last night. I hate it when we pack up, stop for pizza, drive two cars 30 miles to arrive at the swim meet only to sit in our cars for an hour until they delay the meet until the next night. Tonight, round two. I really enjoy watching the meets, but I think I'll stay home tonight and scrub a few toilets while JD makes the trip.

  Here's a few shots of our yesterday outing. JD took the day off work and we took his Mom out to lunch, a bit of shopping and a tour of the historic home of George Washington's mother, Mary. It was an enjoyable break for all of us.

    

  

  This morning at the pool a lady asked me if I homeschooled. When I replied yes, she said what I always hear, "I don't know how you do it with all those kids." I had to refrain from saying, "Well, that makes two of us without a clue!"

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